


Harry Potter AUs

by LauIsVeryCold



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Gryffindor, Harry Potter - Freeform, Harry Potter AUs, Orlando Bloom as Dobby, rewritten harry potter, rooster - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-12-01 17:57:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauIsVeryCold/pseuds/LauIsVeryCold
Summary: Small pieces from the Harry Potter-books rewritten with riddikulus AU ideas.I always try to give credit to the person who thought of the AU. If you'd like to see your AU here, let me know.





	1. The Cock of Gryffindor

**Author's Note:**

> Dracolucivs (on Tumblr): "so we all know that the crowring of a rooster is fatal to a basilisk, so what if when he was in the chamber of secrets, instead of the sword of gryffindor, the sorting hat gave harry a rooster. cockadoodledoo mother fucker"

‘Help me, help me,’ Harry muttered wildly, ‘someone, anyone!’  
The snake’s tail whipped across the floor again. Harry ducked. Something soft hit his face.  
The Basilisk had swept the Sorting Hat into Harry’s arms. Harry seized it. It was all he had left, his only chance. He rammed it onto his head and threw himself flat onto the floor as the Basilisk’s tail swung over him again.  
‘Help me … help me …’ Harry thought, his eyes screwed tight under the Hat. ‘Please help me!’  
There was no answering voice. Instead, the Hat contracted, as though an invisible hand was squeezing it very tightly.  
Something soft and heavy thudded onto the top of Harry’s head. The thing had claws and Harry winced at the pain of the sharp nails grabbing the skin on his forehead. He grabbed the top of the Hat to pull it off and saw an animal hop off of his head.  
A dark brown rooster had appeared inside the Hat. Its beak was almost as beautifully golden as Fawkes’.  
‘Kill the boy! Leave the bird! The boy is behind you! Sniff – smell him!’  
Harry was on his feet, ready. The Basilisk’s head was falling, its body coiling around, hitting pillars as it twisted to face him. He could see the vast, bloody eye sockets, see the mouth stretching wide, wide enough to swallow him whole, lined with fangs as long as a sword, thin, glittering, venomous …  
It lunged blindly. Harry dodged and hit the Chamber wall. The rooster screamed in fear and before Harry could do or think anything, the Basilisk fell to the ground. It was dead.  
Harry knew Tom was still with Ginny and even with the Basilisk gone, there was still danger. He started to run towards Ginny but slipped and fell. His arms went inside the open mouth of the serpent and was stabbed by one of the enormous fangs. He felt a searing pain just above his elbow. Harry tried to pull his arm back but a part of the fang broke off and sunk even deeper into his arm.  
Harry gripped the fang that was spreading poison through his body and wrenched it out of his arm. But he knew he was too late. White-hot pain was spreading slowly and steadily from the wound. Even as he dropped the fang and watched his own blood soaking through his robes, his vision went foggy. The Chamber was dissolving in a whirl of dull colour.


	2. Dobby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> schmergo (on Tumblr): "A Harry Potter AU where everything's exactly the same, except the house elves look like Lord of the Rings elves and Dobby's, like, played by Orlando Bloom. But they're still not allowed to have clothes"  
> thegreatnarwhalsmuffin (on Tumblr): "orlando bloom hitting himself in the face with a lamp"  
> thesassiestsamwinchester (on Tumblr): "twelve year old Daniel Radcliffe shoving a nearly-naked Orlando Bloom into his closet"

Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge – and the hedge was staring back. Two bright blue eyes had appeared among the leaves.   
Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.

…

Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe, slipped inside, closed the door and turned to collapse on his bed.  
The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.  
Harry managed not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The large man on the bed had pointy ears and beautiful blue eyes in colour of the sky. Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.  
As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley’s voice from the hall.  
‘May I take your coats, Mr and Mrs Mason?’  
The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of his nose almost touched the carpet. Harry noticed that he was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase. With rips for arm and leg holes and one around his waist since the pillowcase wasn’t big enough for him and had ripped while bending over.  
‘Er – hello,’ said Harry nervously.  
‘Harry Potter!’ said the creature. Even though he was obviously excited his voice was soft and calming. ‘So long has Dobby wanted to meet you, sir … Such an honour it is …’  
‘Th-thank you,’ said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, ‘What are you?’ but thought it would sound too rude so instead he said, ‘Who are you?’  
‘Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf,’ said the creature.  
‘Oh – really?’ said Harry. ‘Er – I don’t want to be rude or anything, but – this isn’t a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom.’  
Aunt Petunia’s high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.  
‘Not that I’m not pleased to meet you,’ said Harry quickly, ‘but, er, is there any particular reason you’re here?’  
‘Oh, yes, sir,’ said Dobby earnestly. ‘Dobby has come to tell you, sir … it is difficult, sir … Dobby wonders where to begin …’  
‘Sit down,’ said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.  
To his horror, the elf burst into tears – very noisy tears.  
‘S-sit down!’ he wailed. ‘Never … never ever …’  
Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.  
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.’  
‘Offended Dobby!’ choked the elf. ‘Dobby has never been asked to sit down by a wizard – like an equal –’  
Harry, trying to say ‘Shh!’ and look comforting at the same time, ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat weeping, looking like the saddest angel Harry’s ever seen. At least he managed to control himself, and sat with his pretty eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.  
‘You can’t have met many decent wizards,’ said Harry, trying to cheer him up.  
Dobby shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, his long silver hair whooshing wildly through the air, and Dobby shouted, ‘Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!’  
‘Don’t – what are you doing?’ Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby’s large body back onto the bed.  
Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.

…

A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thumping madly, heard uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, ‘Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!’  
‘Quick! In the wardrobe!’ hissed Harry, stuffing dobby, who was way bigger than him, in, shutting the door and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.


End file.
